she was so not down for the gang bang
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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