I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
