I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
