just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
