the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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