Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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