why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
