Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
