that's an acceptable place to lick
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
