toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
