Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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