I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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