Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
