I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
