no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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