the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
