Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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