If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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