im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
