one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
