Taylor Swift is so right about you.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
