Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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