It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize