How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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