Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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