My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
