I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
