You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
