I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
