We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
