I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
