I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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