Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
