The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize