Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
