So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
