Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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