do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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