Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
