Already got asked if we're dating
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
