My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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