i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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