so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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