it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize