I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
