The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
