She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
