Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize