Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
