I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
