Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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