i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
