Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
