he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
