I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
