I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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