all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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