He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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