first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
please come you make the beer taste better
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
