We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
