We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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