Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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