All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
