I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im six kinds of drunk right now
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
