I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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