honey bunches of taint.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
