Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
