im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
