I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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