I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
