Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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