I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
