I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
