BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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