WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
nutella sex= disaster
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
