There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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