dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
