things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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