I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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