Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize