its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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