No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
